I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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