You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
