my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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