I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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