I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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