if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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