No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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