Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
