he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
