first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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