Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
