Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
