I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
