what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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