I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
