I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
