I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
