I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
