she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
