4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
