I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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