Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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