wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nutella sex= disaster
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
