actually, I'm a sock model
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
