Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
