Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
