Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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