I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
