Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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