Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
