I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
from now on my penis is your penis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
