My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
