love makes seman taste better
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
