$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
