I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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