so explain again why im purple
no
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
