So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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