I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
