Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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