Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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