you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize