she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
