We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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