Cold hands, warm shart.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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