So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
