Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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