so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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