I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
