U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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