Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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