OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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