Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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