BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need a beard to bite.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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