it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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