you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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