I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
