turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
