my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
