I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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