I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
