Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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