I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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