she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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