I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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