If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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