I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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