she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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