no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
