I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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