Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who died my cat blue again?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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