doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
