I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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