dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
