the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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