he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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